Discovering Christmas
by headup-gorgeous
Summary: "But this gave hope that she was allowed to have Christmas in her life. This was her tree damn it." season fic:oneshot:1st POV:songfic


**Where are you Christmas**

**Do you remember**

**The one you use to know**

**I'm not the same**

**See what the times done**

**Is that why you have let me go**

A half decorated Christmas tree brought back too many memories, a flood gate that refused to dam. Of the years before her parents disappearance, the sounds of carols flowing softly from the speakers, smell of pine from the tree her father brought home while the taste of gingerbread still laying heavy on her tongue.

The irony of the season, the coming of hope. The young hope of seeing her parents on Christmas Day as she sat on the freezing tiles of her foyer; eyes locked unwavering on the front door willing it to open and reveal the two people she longed to see. Ignoring the brightly wrapped boxes and cards with her name on the front, rebutting the love and effort Rus had put into raising her spirits.

By the following year he had vanished from her life and never again would she smell pine in her house, nor the taste of gingerbread on her tongue.

Standing there, with the bitter bite of coffee and light of over head lights piercing down on her, she couldn't remember when the smell of ammonium replaced a tree.

Rus never again tried to contact her, during Christmas or any other part of the year. He did not try and claim her when he turned 21.

So standing there she, for the first time, was hit with full force how much she missed growing up. And it was staggering. Foster home after foster home, plastic silver 70's trees, meaningless presents.

Thumbs tucked into the back pockets of her jeans before shifting to shove them into the belt, she tightened her grip in an attempt to resist the urge to touch the holographic tree before her. Even after so many years, she could almost feel the needles of the pine in the pads of her fingers. The smell of it wafting in the air around her.

Lost in thought, she didn't notice Angela until she was standing right next to her and started to speak.

"You like it?" An honest question and reasonable considering how much of a 'grinch' she was being this season.

"It's very beautiful." Somehow those words didn't seem to fully describe how much the holographic tree meant to her. How inspiring and astounding it was. The English language was lacking, failing her, the woman who always he something to say.

To Booth, Hodgens, Addley, Angela and Goodman it was a replacement, but to her it was the real thing. The lab was her life now and this finally allowed her to build Christmas her own way or more Angela's way in any case. But this gave hope that she was _allowed_ to have Christmas in her life. This was her tree damn it.

**My world is changing**

**I'm rearranging**

**Does that mean Christmas changes too?**

After watching Booth leave with Parker, she sat there basking in her new found Christmas spirit. She was sipping eggnog when she was struck with an urge to start closing the wounds of her past. To remember and be comforted in the memory of her parents and her home. Grabbing her jacket from the back of the chair and leaving a tip despite Sid insisting the eggnog was a gift, she stopped at home to find something that opening was long overdue and taking it with her, Brennan quickly returned to the lab.

Awestruck for a few moments at the decoration lights hanging from what seemed like every available surface of the lab, she quickly made her way to the hologram machine. Waiting for the machine to load the image only removed a few hours prior, she temporarily placed her conquest on the edge of the machine before her. An old metal lockbox, long since covered in dust from sitting in the back of the closet.

Delicately placing her hands over the lid, paying no heed to the dust causing the tips of her fingers to powder grey, she just stood there for a moment. Just relishing in the beauty before her and the emotionally up welling inside of her.

Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes to regain balance while her thumbs popped the clasp, she raised the lid to reveal a single present with a matching card behind it. The elegant scrawl betraying the giver. Exhaling quickly, the handwriting of her mother easily identifiable even after all this time.

A few more minutes passed with the tree before she took the present, and removed it from the box, the last unopened present from her parents and her 15th Christmas. Only now was she ready.

Leaving the lockbox, she took both the card and present to the nearby couch. The last one, sworn to be saved until her parents returned. Only now was she ready to accept their disappearance and though she would never stop her search, she would rejoice in their love for her.

_**Through the years we all will be together. If the fates of love.**_

_**Hang a shining star upon the highest bough and have yourself a merry little Christmas.** _

_To Our Temperance._

_Much love, Mom and Dad_

_Merry Christmas._

Seems Booth could no longer call her the Christmas killer.

**I feel you Christmas**

**I know I found you**

**You never fade away**

**The joy of Christmas**

**Stays here inside us**

**Fills each and every heart with love.**


End file.
